He adds, “It didn’t worry me in the slightest… but then you start to work out who you are as a person and what’s important to you.
“It’s really hard to change the way people feel about you because they have a preconceived idea. For me, it was 50-50 – 50% of people like me and the other people f***ing hated me, whether they met me or not.
“Even now, people will say ‘he’s a f***ing w***er’ and then when they bump into you or they talk to you, they’re like, ‘Oh, you know what? Actually I’m really sorry’.”
Ridge certainly has presence, a swagger, about him. That might be mistaken for arrogance but on closer observation, he is more thoughtful and considered than many might give him credit.
As a starting response to some questions, for example, he says “I’ve got to be really careful here”, or “I’ve got to be careful what I say here”.
He comes across as genuinely interested in people and his surroundings.
He and Ring make for an unlikely pair – a friendship forged after they met through Ridge’s daughter Jaime, a longtime friend of Ring.
Aside from the fact they both live in Europe – Ridge in Grasse in the south of France and Ring about an hour away in Monaco – they appear on the surface to have little in common: The shaven-head, rugged former Warriors, Sea Eagles and Kiwis league star turned television personality and on the other side of the table, a former socialite, who admits, yes, he’s had some work done.
“You can look quite terrifying,” says Ring, as he sits opposite Ridge for a chat with the Herald.
“I’m a scary guy,” concedes Ridge, wearing a sleeveless jacket over a black hoodie and holding some bold, black sunglasses.
Despite their obvious differences, the pair hit it off straight away when they met, realising their honest and raw conversations might just be the ingredients for a successful podcast.
“Expectations were low, particularly on my part, as on paper the differences between Matthew and I are glaring,” Ring told the Herald earlier.
‘We soon recognised we had a shared disdain for small talk, as is common with many people with ADHD, something we both have. We discovered a mutual love of deep, judgment-free conversation that led to a friendship and a connection that we find as baffling as everyone around us.”
Their podcast, The Brink, is based on a shared belief they can provoke discussion on a number of important topics through their lived experiences, and help other people.
It’s also cathartic, they say, for themselves.
Topics covered on the podcast to date have included sexuality and sexual identity, addiction and drink/drug use, family, and mental health.
“We talk about anything,” says Ridge.
Their first podcast sparked controversy, with headlines about Ridge using “gay slurs”, specifically referring to Ring as a “f**”.
But Ring, who is gay, says he was not offended.
“A lot of the initial response was ‘oh Matthew, he’s flinging around gay slurs and stuff like that’.
“They could be interpreted as that and you could choose to be offended by those, but they were not delivered with intent to offend.
“And that’s a lot of our message… listen to us if you want, you choose to listen to us and also, you choose to be offended, you can agree with us, you can disagree with us and that’s cool too.
“I keep coming back to, disagree and engage with us and see if you can convince us otherwise. We’ll listen to a different opinion.”
The pair have been back in New Zealand, recording two of their latest episodes here – and they have some interesting opinions of their own on the state of the country.
New Zealand has the world bluffed, says Ridge.
“I’ve got to be really careful here. New Zealand is f***ing beautiful. It really is amazing,” he says. “By the same token, France is a beautiful country too. It really knocked my socks off.
“What I’d say is it’s a little bit doom and gloom here but for the most part it feels a better place than when I left a couple of years ago. Maybe I’ve softened, maybe I’m not as cynical.
“Obviously it’s tough times, business-wise, and nobody’s spending any money and it’s pretty grim out there.”
Ridge owns Carfē, the high-end car-washing firm; his son Boston is now managing director and also a shareholder.
The business, like many others, has seen a downturn in revenue – about 40% – but with no debt, it can weather the storm.
“We’re reasonably successful and we’ve been around for a long time. We’re a barometer – we always feel it first because we’re a complete discretionary spend and we are high-end.”
In 2008, the downturn lasted a couple of years whereas this one, he says, feels longer “and we’re pretending it isn’t”.
“We can pull the sails in and stuff. I’m no business expert but I think it’s going to last a little bit longer.”
He cites the difficulties facing some in the hospitality sector.
“People aren’t spending money. We’ve got quite a number of wealthy people in this country or more well-to-do than people, but what happens is they tend to pull their heads in and stop spending.
“They feel like they can’t be out there spending, whereas they should be leading the charge. New Zealanders don’t want to look like we’re showing off, which is fine, but at some point, you’ve got to step up.”
Ridge does have broader concerns.
“I’ve got to be careful what I say here but I think New Zealand’s got the world bluffed. Wherever I go in Europe or America and they know I’m from New Zealand, everybody goes, ‘Oh my God, I cannot wait to go to New Zealand; that’s just got to be the most amazing country in the world’.
“I have to bite my tongue. I don’t want to speak ill of my country because I love it, I do love it.
“But when you get back here, there’s not a hell of a lot to do. Auckland is a big city… if you like to go out at night-time well, you can only go out on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday. There’s not a lot to do here.”
The weather is patchy, he says, and he’s also dismayed by food prices.
“I’m actually enjoying spending New Zealand dollars in New Zealand,” says Ridge, who moved to France with his French wife Chloe and their two young children Kenzo and Lola in 2022.
“But day-to-day living [in France], like supermarket shopping and all that stuff overseas is half the price of here.
“You can fill up your trolley in Europe for €300 which is, say, $550 Kiwi, and you don’t go to the supermarket again for a week. You can go to the supermarket here, fill your trolley up for 800 bucks and you’re back there in four days!”
He recently went for a late-night stroll in central Auckland and up to K Road.
“It’s like a ghost town… I took my watch off and I took my rings off. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that – I didn’t feel safe.”
As much as he’s a patriot – and his passion runs deep for New Zealand – Ridge doesn’t know if he’ll ever return fulltime.
“Never say never – I miss being by the water,” he says, but he and Chloe are keen to give their children a French upbringing.
“I think if you came here from overseas and you thought you were coming to paradise, you’d be f***ing surprised when you got here. We’ve done a really good job on bluffing the world.”
Both Ring and Ridge are expert storytellers and they say no topics are off-limits for their new podcast.
Ring, who lives in Monaco with his husband James Vaile, is 14 years sober – one of the most poignant episodes to date has been Ring and Ridge discussing addiction.
Ridge says the media’s “gay slur” focus early on was “a bit of a bummer, because the whole reason why we did this is because we self-medicate ourselves”.
“For me and David – I think I can speak for him on this – the message we’re trying to get out is we’re not super unique, but all the things that are happening to us, that have happened to us over our lives, surely there’s something in there that can help other people.
“It’s more about that connection because we’ve lost connection with people. You walk down the street now and you see people but they don’t see you, everybody’s on their phones, everybody’s lost in their own world and we’re really individualistic, right?
“We’ve lost that village, community thing that we used to have way back and the ability to just stop and talk to people and have a yarn – ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ People think that’s really strange when you say, ‘Hey, how are you?’”
Ring says: “I’m big on the fact that, in this day and age, our feelings and how we receive opinions and views cause us to make a full judgment about somebody’s character. We’re quick to cut them off. We’re quick to be so offended.
“Whereas I think one of the things that’s cool about us is that we disagree on more stuff than we agree on yet it’s our ability to agree, to disagree and then maintain a great friendship.”
Ridge, a seasoned TV talent, praises Ring’s broadcasting skills and ability to articulate a position or argument. The pair are also bringing in experts for podcasts.
“We’d like to think we’re trying to put some good out there,” says Ring.
“We’re covering a whole broad range of topics. We’re fairly unfiltered.”
Ring says he’s “not particularly held back by embarrassment”.
“My addiction journey has been one of the things I’m most proud of in my life and it’s an ongoing thing.”
He says rather than talking about addiction as a hindrance, he considers and talks about it as “one of my greatest strengths”.
“It’s a superpower [but] I’ve never heard that message before. For me just to even put that one thing out there was like if somebody heard that and thought, ‘Oh God, if I’ve got to be stuck, as I’m told, I will always be an addict’. There’s just total despair in that.
“But to hear, ‘maybe I can live with it and harness it’, that’s a nice message.”
Editor-at-Large Shayne Currie is one of New Zealand’s most experienced senior journalists and media leaders. He has held executive and senior editorial roles at NZME including Managing Editor, NZ Herald Editor and Herald on Sunday Editor and has a small shareholding in NZME.
