Opinion:

One bride has fallen head over heels in love on Tuesday night’s Married At First Sight NZ, while another is struggling to see past her groom’s bedazzled sunglasses.

But before we find out who is keeping out the haters with oversized sunnies, our experts, John Aiken and Jo Robertson, have an important announcement: “Let’s talk about Madeleine.”

Like a moth to a flame, we can’t help but be drawn to the eccentric queen that is Madeleine (Maddy). She’s bright, she’s bubby, her mum says she’s surrounded by ‘lots of white and gold light’ making her ‘well protected’ and I’ve been to enough gala day psychics to know not to argue with that.

Walking down the aisle, the bride-to-be is full of giggles as she leans on her invisible spirit guides and tries not to fall over – or run in the opposite direction; it’s hard to tell, especially when she sees her groom.

“He’s not usually the type of guy I would go for,” she tells the confession cam. “But that’s why I came on this journey, to be open-minded.”

Regardless of the positive admission, crickets sound and we aren’t quite sure what crystal to use to ease the awkwardness, so for now, we’ll let Nate’s dad take the lead. Giving her a hug, he tells our bride, “You’re looking quite fine,” adding, “If it doesn’t work out, I’m here.”

What a wedding present, aye?

After Nate’s dad trots on, we get a glimpse at who his son really is; kind, caring, a free spirit and someone who most definitely saw the MafsNZ application form just moments after rediscovering the word Yolo, promoting him to think, “This is a sign”.

Yolo away, Nate, Yolo away.

In an attempt to determine whether the “universal flow” is in the right place, Maddy opens her folded vows and sets free a gust of glitter. “The glitter symbolises the stars aligning us together,” she tells her new husband, who is ready to grab his crystal ball and enter the light side.

While Maddy and Nate’s wedding is full of the promise of love and universal alignment, their morning after is one full of horror.

“There was seafood,” Maddy tells the confession cam, while we quietly whisper, “say no more, queen”.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t hear us, but like the cleaners at any decent McDonald’s establishment, we’re going to have to put out the “Wet floor” signs and move on to the next stall or, in our case, couple.

“We kinda discussed last night that we’re not each other’s usual type,” Steph comes in hotter than a group of influencers to Waiheke and tells us that she and her new husband, Piripi, “connect on values”, but as for anything else, she’s swiping left.

Just kidding, she signed on for a whole season and the producers will be damned if they lose a couple in the first week.

“He’s super considerate and kind and funny and I feel like those are the best pilars to start a relationship,” she grins and gets a lollipop for being brave.

Well, we’d love to stay and chat, but we’re off to find true love, and our fourth couple might just have found it.

“Family’s really important to me” James from Christchurch, who is also from the UK, tells us. “I guess that’s why I want to be a dad in the future and a husband, is to have that family environment, family home and create a safe tight-knit family.”

Buckle up buttercup. The experts have found not only a wife but a stepson for you as well. Meet Sam.

Upon meeting each other’s gaze at the aisle, it’s not only Married At First Sight for these two but just like season one’s Angel and Brett, the butterflies in our tummy tell us this could be love at first sight as well.

“He’s got the most beautiful blue eyes,” Sam says through giggles and within minutes we’re pretty sure these two will be the unproblematic sweethearts of the season so with that, we make like gossip columnist Perez Hilton and scour the land for some drama.

Ah, Mike and Kara. Thank god you’re here.

“He is pretty full on,” Kara tells the confession cam, and she’s not referring to Mike’s morning beard straightening routine. “It’s just a bit of getting used to.”

After expressing her hesitation about where they both are in the progression of the relationship – Kara is ready to tell her Dad he was right, maybe marrying a stranger was a bad idea and deep in his husband era, Mike decides to poke the bear.

“What do you reckon of our different styles?” he asks his wife, who knows the day is about to seize her and not the other way around.

“I appreciate that you express yourself in what you wear,” she says. Earning a chuckle from Mike, Kara decides honesty really is the best policy and backtracks, “It’s pretty outrageous.”

But Ryan Gosling was nominated for an Oscar, Ken dominated the film season (or was it Barbie?) and the Mojo Dojo Casa house is all the rage, so with a rejuvenated sense of patriarchal confidence, Mike knows Kara couldn’t possibly be telling the truth, “she’s a bit of a joker so, yeah, she doesn’t really mean it,” he laughs.

We take notes: ‘New routine: Wake up and have Mike’s confidence.’

But Kara’s not buying it and sticks to the facts, “I think if I took him home to my dad wearing blinged-up sunnies, my dad would be like, turn around.”

While we’d love to be team Kara in this instance, just like the Academy Awards, we’re siding with Mike.

He’s Keneough, and we’re ready to sign off for the week.

Married At First Sight New Zealand airs on Three and ThreeNow every Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

Lillie Rohan is a London-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating.